Murder (trying to sleep) on the Chiang Mai Express
We arrive at the
station at 5:45pm and after a quick look at the departure board make our way to
platform 9 to board “Train Number 1”, we’re in car number 12 so it’s only two carriages
down rather than what looks like a walk of 500 metres. We already had our
tickets, we applied online for them before we left the UK and got them sent to
the hotel so we didn’t have to queue and we were guaranteed. We board the
carriage and find our seats, Trish is in seat 24 lower and I’m in 25 upper,
which will later be turned in to our beds for the night. It’s getting near to
6:10 and the train still feels very empty, all the passengers seem to be heading
down the other end of the platform, great a nice quiet train to ourselves. A
few more stragglers turn up, followed by some noisy Spaniards who never shut up
for the whole journey, and then we’re off.
We roll out the
station gently, while an attendant comes around selling orange juice, which we
buy, not for the juice, so we can use the cartons for cups later for our hidden
beer, which is banned on all railways in Thailand. More attendants keep
appearing, waving menus, asking people do they want food from the buffet car;
we decline as the stories on the internet don’t fill us with hope. An hour
passes and we start to pull in to a well lit up area, which as it transpires is
only Bangkok’s other airport, the bloody train as took an hour to get from one
side of the city to the other, no wonder it takes 13 hours at this rate.
Once the train starts
its arduous task of getting up to speed again, we pour a beer and watch the
city disappear into darkness and settle down for the journey wondering what
time the attendant will make up the beds? Now it’s time to check out the
toilets and see what lies ahead, maybe drinking beer wasn’t a good idea, on the
right side of the train is non European squat toilets and on the left is the
much loved European toilet, (loved by anyone who has tried the Asian style
toilet on a train or anywhere for that matter) but everything seems to be fine,
clean and with running water.
The train begins to
stop a bit more frequent now, until it makes its last stop at “Bang Sue” where
the train begins to fill up with Germans, I was going to insert a Stan Boardman
joke here, but you get the idea. Now we’re the minority amongst the Germans,
French, Spaniards and one Thai lady with adorable little boy about 2 years old
that comes to see everyone and the only thing he can say is “bye bye”.
It’s now time for the
attendant to make up the beds, a portly fellow, dressed like a policeman who
sets about his task with great gusto. First he orders you out of your seats,
then drops down the top bunk, opens a couple of plastic bags of linen and
quicker than Paul Daniels can say “that’s magic”, it’s done. I try and use the
ladder to check out my “bed”, useless, so I end up standing on the arm rest and
throwing myself in narrowly avoiding the seat belts designed to keep me in!
Once I’m in it’s very claustrophobic, but I have a light, with a non-dazzling
2-watt bulb, the constant lights in the carriage just alongside my bed are
brighter and do a great job of keeping me awake for most of the journey.
We finish our beers in
the lower bunk with the curtain closed away from prying eyes, then I have to
put on some tracksuit bottoms to sleep in as the air-con is freezing. I climb
up and watch “One Summer” for a couple of hours on my tablet, while Trish is
fast asleep, curtains closed, see you in the morning then! I decide to go to
the toilet before bed and venture off to the other end of the carriage, once
there I open the door to reveal a floor totally covered in urine, what is up
with these animals, so I end up going to the other toilets which thankfully
were dry and still clean.
Now it’s time for bed
and hopefully a decent night’s sleep, nodding off to the gentle sound of the
train going over the tracks. Not a chance, across from me was some Spanish
girl, lying in her bunk, curtains open, coughing all night long; she even
managed to wake the little Thai boy who then started crying and that’s rare in
Thai kids.
After no sleep and
endless tossing and turning, I hear the attendants come round saying “good
morning”, so I throw back the curtain and to my amazement the bloody Spaniard
was now fast asleep. I look down, Trish is still asleep, so I go for a walk
past down the carriage and everyone is still asleep, I go out and stand by the
doors and try and catch a glimpse of Chiang Mai, can’t see anything, pitch
black, well it’s only 5:30am. I make my way back to bed and lay there till
everyone gets up, even the Spanish girl had to be woken by her friends, who
promptly yawned, jumped out of bed and started speaking a hundred miles an hour
with the rest of them, dare I say it “unbelievable”. I now peer down through
Trish’s curtain and she’s now awake, we get up and sit there waiting till
Robocop comes and turns the beds back in to seats in the blink of an eye.
Just before we get to
Chiang Mai the sun comes up slowly, a red ball of fire appearing on the
horizon, then hiding in the midst of all the palm trees, till eventually it
takes up its position in the sky and starts beating down on everything. We pull
in to Chiang Mai and wait till everyone gets off before we decide to lug our
cases about, once we leave the platform, we try to make our way out past the
paparazzi of tuk tuk drivers, taxi drivers and street hawkers till we are
chosen by one of them, who takes us in to Chiang Mai.
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